I’ve had many dreams of myself dying. They never feel like just a dream, they feel as real as this physical word. In these dreams I’ve died in many different ways. Each with the same ending feeling and each feeling like the day I died. With each of these dreams I’ve learned something. Something from within, a new feeling. The feeling of some sense.
I’m finally in this plane that had taken forever to take off. We’ve been sitting in the plane for what had felt like a long time. I was feeling strange, things didn’t seem normal. I felt out of place, out of it really. Almost the same feeling from when you wake up from a long nap. All I could have seem to remember was up to this moment and somehow I felt like I knew what would happen. I’m sitting looking around, worried. I put my seatbelt on and the plane has finally taken off. Minutes into the flight sound was different, faint almost. Turbulence begins to take control of the plane. A loud and scared voice comes through the loud speakers. “Passengers please prepare for strong turbulence”. The plane is losing control now and is heading for the ground. My body gets shocks of hot waves, numb even. I’m scared. The pressure makes me weak, I’ unable to move. The heat is now taking over my head and the adrenaline has spiked. I now feel clam, numb, and relaxed. My vision is white and I am now in my bed gasping for air, in a puddled of sweat.
It’s dark out and I’m sitting in front of my apartment listening to the music that fills the silent air. I have the feeling of knowing something was going to happen. I needed to let it just happen. A man comes walking from the street over to me. He begins to ask me questions I am not sure of. Questions my brain can’t even remember. His voice becomes faint. He pulls out a gun and shot me in the center of my forehead. My body gets the rush of hot shocks inside and my adrenaline spikes. I no longer feeling anything, the weight was released. I feel as relaxed as ever and my head is numb. My vision goes white and I am again in bed sitting up for air.
This road trip was going to be a long one. The sun was rising with us, Emma and I were ready for the long ride up north. We’re sitting in the car listening to music and enjoy what seemed like the best conversation I’ve had. The sun was bright, the windows were down, and our hair was blowing with the wind. Once again, I had that famous feeling. Emma’s hands are on the steering wheel and she turns to look at me and she losses control of the car. We’re off the road now and we’re going right in to this tree. Windows are shattered, and I don’t feel a thing. I’m there numbed relaxed. My vision is white and I’m back.
These are just the ones I can remember the most. There’s been so many of these dreams and I have not completely understand them. I hope writing this down can be some help to knowing why. I think the message might be that when the time comes we might get the feeling of knowing. There’s nothing we can do, because when its meant to happen it will happen. Maybe thats a bit to deep in my thoughts but I’m very curious about these dreams.
The other night I had a very different dream though. I was in what seems like an infinite space of black. I looked up at what I would imagine would be the sky. I put my hands up at the air and say “I’m ready now, I’m ready to die”. From nowhere comes this big bright light that begins to speak to me but I don’t remember what it told me. All I know is that next thing I know I was awake in bed.